When the Honeymoon Is Over
So I finished Color Affection. You know how new relationships are. You get attracted to someone; something about them just begins to fill your senses. You start thinking about them all the time, and stealing bits of time away from everything else so you can be with them. Pretty quickly, everything about them seems prefect. Even their flaws seem adorable. Flaws? Did I say flaws? No, not really flaws…just adorable things that other people might find hard to accept, but that you find charming. I mean, nobody’s perfect, and you actually take delight in the quirky, or unconventional, or absurd, right?
Then you come to the time when neither of you are on your best behavior all the time. Mundane consensual reality begins to assert itself. You remember that you’ve missed deadlines at work, your home is a mess, and you haven’t called your mother in a month. And your beloved? Those flaws that were hardly worth the name seem to weigh heavier than they did a month ago. The teeth grinding or the fork squeaking on the dinner plate, the way the towels get folded or that thing with the radio volume in the car, gum chewing, rogue eyebrow and nose hairs, nail biting, snoring…the list of things that can begin to drive you crazy seems endless once you start looking beyond the new relationship pink cloud. And that’s when you start becoming increasingly aware of a thing I like to call FOREVER.
As soon as FOREVER enters the picture, all the little things begin to loom large. That thrilling drowsy morning grin gives way to funky morning breath. The disparity in your taste in movies is no longer about broadening your cultural horizons; it’s a reason for resentment. Then you start asking yourself, can I live with this FOREVER?
And what does this have to do with Color Affection, you ask? Well…let me tell you. You know I was falling in love. I was sure this was going to be the one. I was so on the rebound from my first disastrous color way, I got all caught up the shimmering delight that is Luxury Silk. I was so relieved, nay charmed, that the gold really did work and play well with others. “What’s not to love?” said I. Oh…let me tell you…
The edge stitches are too tight. There. I said it. Those pesky edge stitches are just too flippin’ tight. I can’t deny it any more. And tight edges mean it won’t lay straight no matter what I do. I mean, look at it!
Oh, sure the color works, but…ummm…It puckers and ripples and has weird curves in strange places. The silk is gorgeous and drapes beautifully around the shoulders, except for these places where it sticks out funny and doesn’t conform to any natural curve on a human body. Salvador Dali couldn’t have done a better job of completely rejecting the concept of a straight line.
So this is the place where I have to take a good hard look at what’s working and what’s not, what I really want and what’s really happening…and whether I can live with it FOREVER. This is the place where we have the conversation that begins, “It’s not you; it’s me. My tension was so strange in this project…even though I have had immaculately even tension in every other yarn I’ve ever worked with since I was, like, nine…I’m sure it’s something I’ve done.” All along secretly harboring the notion that it’s really not fair or right that silk doesn’t really stretch when you block it and that these edge stitches are stubborn and selfish, skewing and puckering little twerps that they are.
I can go back to Ravelry and look at all the pictures of everyone else’s Color Affection and admire their straight, even top edges and their flat short row transitions and try to figure out a way to convince my Color Affection to be more like the others. I could go looking for forums of other people having issues and start a support group for knitters whose Color Affections have done them wrong. I could even ditch this one like I did the last one. I could become obsessed with working on this relationship and “fixing” every quirk to the point where I drive myself crazy. Believe me; I’ve done it before, and I know I could do it again.
Or I could ask myself, “What do I want to do with this shawl?” And I could ask myself, “Will it do what I want it to do, just the way it is?”
The colors are still really beautiful. The drape is still exquisite. It’s still shimmery and soft.
It has a way of clinging to curves and adding textural interest. Hmm.
You can wrap it in a scarf-like way…and really show off the amazing color. Did I mention I sill love the color?
When all is said and done, the curvy lines are quirky…and perhaps charming. I mean, really…how many times am I going to lay it out flat on a table? So maybe I’ll never get to hold it out at wingspan length and go running up a wooded path while someone takes a picture of my perfectly straight top edge. What I really wanted was a pretty, silky, warm but drapey shawl with amazing beautiful color that’s easy to wear and becomes a go-to garment for casual, business and semi-dressy ensembles. I wasn’t really asking much, right? And guess what I got.
The honeymoon is over. I know my Color Affection has its faults. But I really love it, and it does everything for me that I wanted it to. I can live with the rest. Forever.