The means IS the end
I have this luscious ball of yarn. It is Juniper Moon Findley Dapple in color Driftwood 106. I have had it since March.
When we were seeing yarn reps for the first time, Kristin and I decided not to get Juniper Moon. We figured we’d wait until fall and revisit it. But that yarn rep is a sly devil. He left this ball with me…just to remind me to take a second look.
I started dreaming about it. I fondle it daily. These 798 yards of merino and silk loveliness creep across my mind at odd moments during my busy days. I keep it on my desk in a bin with some other deeply personal skeins. I have spent hours pouring over Ravelry and my pattern books and magazines. I have sketched charts and outlines. I am looking for the perfect project to go with this yarn that I am in love with. I savor it color and texture. As if this one ball is all there will ever be and I must not waste it.
This, of course, pushes all my “you must have some kind of serious fear of commitment since you can’t even figure out how to start something let alone finish it” buttons. My inner voices are very unkind sometimes. But here’s the thing; sometimes it is the dreaming and planning phase that is the satisfying bit. My husband has been giving me five yard pieces of fabric every Christmas and birthday since we were married and I rarely sew anything from them…as in maybe twice in 16 years. When he asked me why I never make anything from them I tried to explain to him what they mean to me. Each one is five yards of ultimate potential. I gaze at them all from time to time and dream a little dream. I have yarns in my stash that remind me of what was happening in my life when I acquired them. I have yarns in my stash that are so beautiful just as they are that it would spoil them to actually knit or crochet with them. Some things are just permanent stash, not meant to be made into anything. And my little dreams about them are the satisfying bits.
I can’t tell yet if Findley Dapple Driftwood 106 will be permanent stash, reminding me of the year I turned 50 and opened Over The Rainbow Yarn, or if it destined to be some gorgeous knitted or crocheted thing. Like with all good romances, only time will tell. Meanwhile, I love the thrill of the potential.